he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
