Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
