Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
