i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
