I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
