Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
