I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
