sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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