All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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