Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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