You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
