my mouth tastes like poor choices
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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