What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
