I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he's gonorrhea incarnate
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
