I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize