I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
