i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
