Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
