They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
