I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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