If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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