Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
