OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
