That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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