if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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