I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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