He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
