I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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