no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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