Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
