The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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