I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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