There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
