You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You are a booty call, not a friend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
