so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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