I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize