quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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