I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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