I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
