Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize