The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
