oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
