hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
