Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
