wakey wakey hands off snakey
i dont even know how to be here
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
