Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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