I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
