i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
