You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
