so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
