you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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