i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
