it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
