My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
