but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What drink are we having for lunch?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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