he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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