I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
