God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
