The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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