I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
