I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
