If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
