coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
