I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
