When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
