why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
they're like a gay fantastic four
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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