OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize