So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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